"Why? Because you're pissing all over my bathroom, that's why! You don't do that. It's-it's like...someone dumping soda all over your back seat!" Is it? he doesn't even know. But he's going with it.

And he keeps a hand on it until he's done, until he just needs a shake and a dab and god help him if he does all that for him too. He'll never talk about this. Ever. At least...it's his own dick. Kind of.

He flushes the toilet before turning toward the sink and scrubbing furiously at his hands. "Put it back in your pants."